Sorry Ive been slacking

Sorry, I know ive been more than slacking lately, my Xbox has been needy lately. However, I will be back on schedule this week for my horror reviews. I plan to have a review of a horror movie each week (will publish on Tuesdays) as well as a Friday retro horror film review. What is that you ask? pretty much just a review of an older horror film that I think needs more attention or I simply deem as 'Awesome'....so stay tuned

(Note: I will not be reviewing the 1992 film 'Stay Tuned')

Daybreakers

Saw this one with Virally Yours this weekend. On the way he was cracking me up with a song he wrote as the theme of this movie. "Day Breakers! Rockin' through the night! Breaking through the daaaaaayyyyyyyyyy!" That's how excited we were. But boy were we in for disappointment.

The first half of the movie is actually really good. They set up this really cool premise. A disease that turns people into vampires breaks out. The infected make a deal with the humans. They can be turned or farmed for blood. Obviously, most people turned. Kind of a no-brainer.

No, no. I won't become a monster like him!

Anywho! The whole plan kind of goes South when people start to realize, "HEY! Don't we need some humans to live so that we have enough blood to drink?" Well, the answer is yes. Blood starts running short and the starving vampires that can't afford to pay the rising blood prices start turning into mindless, freaky, bat-like creatures. It's up to Ethan Hawke, hematologist and pig-blood drinker, to find a blood substitute.

Hey, Ed. It's me. Your neighbor? Carl? Oh, yeah, I got a haircut. It's a little different.

Fortunately, he runs into Wilem Dafoe and his band of vampire hunters. Dafoe plays a guy named Elvis. For this role, Dafoe made the bold choice of giving his character a Southern accent that comes and goes.

"Okay, vampire boy. Put 'dem hands up or I'll shishkabob you."
"Are you from the South?"
"Right-o, mate!"
"What?"
"Sorry, I'm doing an English movie in the next studio down."

Elvis used to be a vampire. But he was cured accidentally by being exposed to sunlight for a few seconds and then immediately doused in water. So, now they've got a cure! Role credits.

Wrong. The movie inexplicably continues for another hour or so while they're hunted by the vampire army. Eventually they confront Sam Neil who really loves being a rich vampire and doesn't want a cure. Just more humans. I won't give away the ending, but it involves exploding vampires.

"So, can I get you guys anything? Maybe a steak! Ha, ha, ha. Hmmmm."

There's actually a really good story somewhere in there. And the gore is amazing! But it feels like they just cut and pasted a bunch of other vampire movies together to get the last half. It's just another good example of how a great premise can be totally wasted. Too bad. Although, I wouldn't be surprised if a cool series was born out of this movie.

The West Bat Wing- better pun coming soon. Also, if they ever make a Yosemite Sam movie. I think we've found the right actor.

Whoa! That was creative!: 2/5
Huh? Makes you think: 2/5
Sweet! I can't believe they just did that: 3/5

Avatar

Ok, Avatar is pretty good. I was at a point where I was just getting so sick of 3D movies and then all of a sudden Avatar comes out and 3D actually helps make the movie more interesting instead of just gimmicky. Of course, the movie would be pretty good in 2D, but 3D just gives it that extra kick.

So, let's break this thing down. You got a dude who can't use his legs. They give him a 12 foot tall blue alien suit that he can control from a tube. He walks this blue alien suit into an alien forest where there are, basically, Native Americans but blue and tall. He learns their ways from one of the hot aliens. But all the while he's feeding intel back to the military so they can drive the aliens out of their giant tree house and steel some rock that's underneath it which is really valuable for whatever reason. But by the time they're ready to launch the attack, the dude with no legs has decided to help them fight the humans using all the crazy animals that live on this alien planet.

It's Dances With Wolves, meets Lord of the Rings, meets Cats. It's totally predictable, but what did you expect? It's 3 hours long, but I think we're all getting used to that. The 3D is distracting during the dialogue, but it enhances the action and the nature documentary style intro to this new world.

"This is a 12 foot tall indigenous race with neuro-toxic arrows, metal bones, and the ability to control wild animals...and they dance...gayly."

Although the final action scene, the face-off between the military and the aliens, is epic, it would have been a lot better if the story had been just a little less cliche. Ultimately, the only thing that's new about this movie is the visual effect of the 3D. There's definitely potential for sequels or some sort of continuation to the story.

"So, uh, we heard you had a pretty sweet planet."

Maybe that's what is ultimately my problem with the movie. Everything got wrapped up in a nice, neat package and then it's over. They created this whole new world with crazy animals and new people, but they stopped. They figured, once the the one-day fight is over, then there's nothing else to tell really.

"What a gruesome war."
"It was just an hour."
"I had no idea humans were this persistent."

But seriously, do you think the humans would give up? Are there not civil wars between these different alien tribes? Don't the aliens want to learn anything about humans? Are there different aliens on different planets nearby who want in on this action? I guess we'll just have to wait and see, because they definitely didn't explore any of this by the end of the movie.

Still, it's a fun movie and worth the time.

Whoa: 3/5
Huh: 1/5
Sweet: 4/5

Jekyll

BBC has the best stuff. Spaced, The IT Crowd, and my most recent favorite, Jekyll. This 6 part series follows a scientist who must plan his nights very carefully. He can't be near his family or even familiar surroundings. Sometimes he has to be strapped to a chair. That's because he'll change into a different person. Slightly slimmer, slightly taller, about 15 years younger and more sadistic than any other person in London.

When Dr. Jackman changes into his other self, his other self doesn't remember anything about who he is. All he knows is that he's thirsty, horney, and ready to beat the living shit out of anyone who stands in his way. The only way Dr. Jackman can control his own Mr. Hyde and keep him from killing is by the threat of turning himself into the police. The only way Mr. Hyde keeps Dr. Jackman from looking for a cure is by the threat of suicide.

They communicate with each other with a hand-held recorder. Dr. Jackman sometimes having to let Mr. Hyde know where he is, what he's doing, and sometimes who has a knife. Mr. Hyde is growing stronger though, even as Dr. Jackman tries to keep him inside. But things are getting more complicated. There's an organization that is after Dr. Jackman to learn his secret in hopes of creating supermen based on his DNA. They will go so far as to take his family hostage. Does Mr. Hyde care enough about Jackman's family to help save them? Or will he use this chance to take over completely and use Jackman's body for his own depravity?

This series could have easily been another cliche Hulk-like story about a guy who kicks ass when he's angry. At first it seems like Mr Hyde is just another incarnation of the man inside us all who's trapped by society's conventions. But as we come to realize, Hyde is really something more powerful. He's "love". He's the crazy, irrational, strong, fast, lustful, psychopathic part of us only without all the other stuff, the grown-up stuff, that keeps us from fucking, eating, and drinking ourselves to death. That's why he mockingly refers to Jackman as his daddy.

True story.

James Nesbit, who plays both Jackman and Hyde is brilliant in his transformation. Physically, he just combs back his hair and smiles a little wider. But the change is so great, that if you didn't know it was the same person, you might ask yourself if there are two actors who maybe are just related in some way.

I really wish there was another 6 episodes to this story. I'm not sure if it's really necessary, but I liked it so much, it was like finishing a long book. I didn't want it to end. So, if you haven't already done so, get on Netflix and check this out in the Instant Queue. It's definitely worth the six hours.

Whoah: 3
Huh: 5
Sweet: 5

Total: 4.33333333333333333333333...

Trick R Treat

Why was this movie delayed so long???? I believe I had seen a preview for this ages ago when I rented The Chronicles of Reddick when it first was released as a rental. Needless to say that was some years back. So it finally was released straight to dvd/blu-ray this October. I was a bit apprehensive at first to buy this movie just because whenever a movie is held back for two years and then released right on dvd is typically an indication that the movie is a total turd-fest. That says a lot since about 75% of horror movies getting released currently are total turd-fests anyways so this would have to be pretty bad. Well everyone consider this the acception to the rule! As skeptical as I was this is a pretty solid movie. It reminded me a lot of Creepshow and intertwined the characters in different stories much like Pulp Fiction.

The movie is 4 short stories that involve the customs and myths of Halloween. Such as blowing out a jack-o-lantern before midnight, poisoning candy, and not giving kids candy when they come to the door (just to name a few). Each story is well written and doesn't go on too long, keeping the viewer constantly entertained. There is a good amount of black humor thrown in for good measure too.

This movie should be on everyone's top 5 movies to watch for Halloween. Yeah thats right I said top 5. Are there scarier/better horror movies than this? Yes Are there better horror movies to watch for Halloween? No....well besides Halloween.

Plot:3.5

Gore:3

Scare Factor:2

Final Score: 8.5/10

I Sell The Dead

YES!! I saw this preview on apple itunes about 6 months back and thought this looked extremely promising. So I wikipedia'd it every now and then to keep tabs on it so I could check it out when it came to theatres. It ended up coming directly to on demand so needless to say I rented it ASAP. This movie is a big throwback to older 80's type horror movies that didn't take themselves too seriously and just had fun. It also gives quite a few nods to Re-Animator (which I love). They movie starts with Dominic Monaghan's character Arthur Blake sitting in jail waiting to be sentenced to death the next day and he is visited by Ron Perlman's character Father Duffy for questioning/last rights/all around comfort. Father Duffy says he is pretty into the occult and wants to talk to Arthur about his exploits as a grave robber.

The movie then breaks up into about 4 or 5 short stories involving Arthur and his grave robing mentor Willie Grimes. They encounter ghouls, doctors requiring cadavers, zombies and you know the usual sort of things that hang around graveyards at night. The movie keeps a good balance of humor and horror elements the entire time and while keeping the viewer pretty intrigued the whole time while adding a couple of good twists and turns in the story. Go and see this on demand or on dvd (whenever it gets released) if you are a fan of old school horror movies or new school horror movies....it doesn't really matter but just go and see this movie.

Plot:4

Gore:3

Scare Factor:1

Final Score: 8/10

The Collector

Well I had been hearing tons of great reviews and buzz about this movie so I went to check it out (some months back, sorry but I have been busy). So as we get into the theatre and its fairly empty since its a pretty limited release without much advertisements. So my friend turns to me and says yeah isn't this the same guy that wrote saw 4, 5, and 6? FUCK ......well I should have done my homework on this one but oh well I was already here....and there was a buzz about this movie afterall. The movie begins with a pretty creepy opening that had a good startle/jump factor to it. After the strong opening the movie just gets worse. The opening credits make you think they were done by some college film student that was really into industrial music. It felt really out of place.

So the movie has a fairly basic plot, a guy who is working construction on this couples house decides to rob it one night so he could get money to save his wife from loan sharks. They probably could have gone into the whole wife being a degenerate gambler thing or why they have such a strained relationship (probably due to the excessive gambling) and why he wants to save his wife who hangs with loansharks, doesnt let him see his daughter, is pretty much an all around byatch to him. He must have had some lawyer at the custody hearing. Anyways they dont really explain much about the whole back story about them. So the wife or ex-wife....not sure if they are really divorced, needs a chunk of money by midnight or the loan sharks will kill her. So the main character Arkin then goes to rob the people's house he is doing construction on. They are out of town anyways so this should be easy right....not so much

So as Arkin gets to the house he can hear that someone else is in the house. So Arkin does some sleuthing and hides from the other person. He quickly discovers that the family is being held captive by some maniac and he is now locked in the house with them. Ok I wont even go into the fact that in the 3-4 hours since Arkin left the house the intruder has booby trapped the entire place and also has made it practically impossible to get out unless you have all 10 of the keys that will unlock the 10 padlocks on the door. This just seems like so much effor and not to mention tiring and expensive for the intruder. So the movie pretty much swan dives into the deep end of an empty pool around now. It becomes the typical cat and mouse game between the intruder and Arkin and with the intruder senslessly torturing the couple when there was a lull in the plot (and there is lots of them).

Now I am not a fan of the term 'torture porn' since its usually used by people who haven't even seen said movie that they are criticizing. However, if there ever was a movie deserving of the term 'torture porn' its this one. Anyways I digress, the movie has a pretty shitty ending to say the least (no spoilers....dont worry). This movie could have been really good if they just gave it some more though or gave the intruder/killer some sort of back story or motive for killing people in this fashion, but as I mentioned before this movie doesn't do a very good job of developing characters so why start now. I dont really know where the buzz for this movie is coming from but its extremely skip-able. Its one of those movies that really makes you feel dumb for thinking american horror movies are original or good. Not that there haven't been good american horror movies in recent years but for every good one there is about ten bad ones.

Plot:1

Gore:4

Scare Factor:1

Final Score 6/10