Sunday, January 24, 2010


Saw this one with Virally Yours this weekend. On the way he was cracking me up with a song he wrote as the theme of this movie. "Day Breakers! Rockin' through the night! Breaking through the daaaaaayyyyyyyyyy!" That's how excited we were. But boy were we in for disappointment.

The first half of the movie is actually really good. They set up this really cool premise. A disease that turns people into vampires breaks out. The infected make a deal with the humans. They can be turned or farmed for blood. Obviously, most people turned. Kind of a no-brainer.

No, no. I won't become a monster like him!

Anywho! The whole plan kind of goes South when people start to realize, "HEY! Don't we need some humans to live so that we have enough blood to drink?" Well, the answer is yes. Blood starts running short and the starving vampires that can't afford to pay the rising blood prices start turning into mindless, freaky, bat-like creatures. It's up to Ethan Hawke, hematologist and pig-blood drinker, to find a blood substitute.

Hey, Ed. It's me. Your neighbor? Carl? Oh, yeah, I got a haircut. It's a little different.

Fortunately, he runs into Wilem Dafoe and his band of vampire hunters. Dafoe plays a guy named Elvis. For this role, Dafoe made the bold choice of giving his character a Southern accent that comes and goes.

"Okay, vampire boy. Put 'dem hands up or I'll shishkabob you."
"Are you from the South?"
"Right-o, mate!"
"Sorry, I'm doing an English movie in the next studio down."

Elvis used to be a vampire. But he was cured accidentally by being exposed to sunlight for a few seconds and then immediately doused in water. So, now they've got a cure! Role credits.

Wrong. The movie inexplicably continues for another hour or so while they're hunted by the vampire army. Eventually they confront Sam Neil who really loves being a rich vampire and doesn't want a cure. Just more humans. I won't give away the ending, but it involves exploding vampires.

"So, can I get you guys anything? Maybe a steak! Ha, ha, ha. Hmmmm."

There's actually a really good story somewhere in there. And the gore is amazing! But it feels like they just cut and pasted a bunch of other vampire movies together to get the last half. It's just another good example of how a great premise can be totally wasted. Too bad. Although, I wouldn't be surprised if a cool series was born out of this movie.

The West Bat Wing- better pun coming soon. Also, if they ever make a Yosemite Sam movie. I think we've found the right actor.

Whoa! That was creative!: 2/5
Huh? Makes you think: 2/5
Sweet! I can't believe they just did that: 3/5

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