Monday, July 19, 2010


Okay, here we go! Predator is awesome, Predator 2 is also pretty awesome. Alien is awesome, Aliens is also really awesome. So why did AVP and AVP 2 suck so much mandible? Well, maybe Aliens and Predators don't work that well together. Sure, we all geeked out when we first saw that Alien skull on the Predator ship at the end of Predator 2, but maybe that's where we should have left it. Aliens and Predators interacting in the same universe- It's just one of those things that is cool to allude to, but utlimately it's t00 awesome to capture on screen.

"So here comes Predators! We're leaving the Aliens out of this one, guys. In fact, let's ignore that any movie besides Predator exists. We'll start fresh and it will be awesome, Quentin"- Robert Rodriguez talking to Quentin Tarantino (his only friend)

Well, they definitely started fresh. This time, we're not even on Earth. The deadliest people on our planet have been kidnapped and taken to a Predator hunting ground on another planet. They're parachuted onto the planet, unconcious, and they only have the weapons they were captured with. They band together and piece together what is happening to them surprisingly quickly.

"Well, obviously, we're being hunted for sport by aliens with more advanced technology on another planet with the other most deadly people on Earth...obviously."

So what's happening to them? Well, they're being preyed upon. But these aren't your typical Predators that we all know and love. These are "super" Predators. They're slightly bigger and have scarier masks which include jaw bones. They are also less honorable than the regular Predators (Although, a regular Predator was defeated by Danny Glover before, so maybe they're just a little less cocky and more careful to actually not get killed by their own prey).

Danny Glover- Predator killer and terrible judge of character.

As this band of killers tries to survive together, they meet up with Cowboy Curtis who has been on the planet for quite some time- at least long enough to develop an interruptive imaginary friend. I won't ruin the ending, but it involves the Predators taking off their masks and growling.

What are you waiting for?! Kill me! Do it now!

Overall, I was happy with this movie. It was definitely way better than the last two Predator movies. There were great characters and a simpler plot. The new Predators look great. And I really enjoyed the idea of going to another planet for the hunt this time. Although I wish they would have capitalized on that idea a little bit more by showing off some more alien animals and plants.

Or maybe, like a sexy female predator with huge boobs, sorry. Forget it.

Robert Rodriguez wrote a pretty badass script. It does contain some cheesey lines that only Rodriguez could have directed correctly like, "I think we'll need a new plan" or "Let's get the hell off this planet."

Nimrod Antal is named Nimrod Antal. He is the director and his name is Nimrod. Nimrod. He has directed Vacancy and Armored and his name is Nimrod. He did an adequate job. But Nimrod missed a lot of chances to put this movie on par with Predator. Nimrod didn't build in any suspense. In Predator, we felt like we were in the jungle with Arnold and Apollo Creed. We had to be really quiet, too, otherwise the Predator might hear us. In this movie, everyone's talking so loudly, it's like they don't realize the situation that they're in. YOU'RE BEING HUNTED! YOU KNOW THIS! SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Didn't shut the fuck up.

Also, the new Super Predators seem pretty incompetent if the 3 of them can't kill these people. For being larger, more dishonorable versions of regular predators, they really suck at preying. In the first one, the Predator was all alone against a team who really knew their shit. He had to wait patiently and strike quickly just to kill one of the guys otherwise he would have been torn to shreds by that giant Gatling gun. In Predators, there are three of them hunting fewer humans who barely even speak the same language. Not really sporty.

Not to mention there was a huge dissapointment in the gore factor on this movie. I don't want to give anything away, but somebody gets shot with an energy weapon. But instead of getting a huge hole in the chest or getting his arm torn off while still pulling the trigger on his Uzi, this guy just explodes in a flurry of awful CGI. No imagination whatsoever. He just explodes. Sure one guy gets his skull ripped out along with his spine, but it just doesn't look real or painful or cool.

"My arms are really strong."

Also, this movie does ask that you suspend your disbelief a little bit more than normal as you try to accept the fact that Adrien Brody is actually tougher than Danny Trejo (By the way, the preview for Machete looks awesome). Adrien Brody got ripped for this movie and good for him, but he was also doing the Batman voice- you know, unnecessarily gravely to seem more tough. That was pretty lame and Nimrod should have recognized this.

If you're not interested in anything else that's out right now, go see this movie. But I would recommend Inception instead. Wait for Predators to come to FX.

I'm gonna stop doing the Scpork ratings. Too confusing. This movie just gets a 6 out of 10.

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